R5 - tribal council clusterfuck

[Sierra Reed]

before the immunity challenge


rob definately has the "odd numbered idol", as i call it. i got to test to see if his answer was actually right or not and it was... i mean, jimmy johnson COULD have it, and rob is just saying he has it...


whatever. LOL


there's too many what-ifs with everything to start getting into it.





so, i told monica yesterday abt the idol. obviously. i'm telling her pretty much everything so i can help her game as much as possible while i am still here. i let her know that jimmy johnson has known since round 1.


i let darrah know these things too.


and i let monica know that darrah knows... but not the other way around.





speaking of darrah, look at this:

[e-mail] (8:50:17 PM): lmfao ok
[e-mail] (8:50:20 PM): byebye(L)
[e-mail] (8:50:22 PM): looove you sierrar66 (8:50:25 PM): lol
sierrar66 (8:50:26 PM): thnx
sierrar66 (8:50:29 PM): ttyl





that's annoying. you "love" me? don't even say that... how many other people are saying that to? cause if u say it to me, you'll say it to anyone, and that's annoying.

lol.



it really really is.









so this reward challenge... i wonder how many people will take the vote nullifiers... and what the other rewards are, the bonus ones and the mystery thing...

there could be some really messy TC's coming up




monica came up with the idea to go for the mystery thing, herself, then tell me if i should as well... like, if she'd even get to know before i'd have to choose, sorta thing.


but if not, we'd probly just both take vote nullifiers. i don't know if i want to take a mystery thing without knowing what it is.




i would like the bonus reward. so i'm gonna be trying for that, obviously. i'm gonna spend as much time as i can o nthe puzzle.







so... regarding rob's idol... monica wants to flush it out when we get the next chance by making him think we're going after him, then vote jimmy johnson. she says that steph and fabio are down with voting JJ...



i'd like to vote jj out first if possible. i dont really care about rob having the idol right now. i dont think it'd ever help me, i dont think he's that kind of like generous player. where'd do something like that.


but i also dont care to get rid of it. i'm just... whatever on the subject.



but whatever monica wants, i will do.





darrah told me she knows JT in real life. and i told monica. she told me she wants me to hang in there because, and i quote, "she wants to ride me till the merge"...

lol who tells someone that? like put a nice expiry on it. i basically offered her everything i offered monica... before i offered it to monica. and to me, telling me straight out that you want to take my offer and use me until merge is... blatently rude.


i'd honestly rather her lie to me like monica is and tell me she wants to "ride me through the game".







i don't think there's much else to say right now. or if there will ever be. besides "this is what i learned from this person that i told to monica". and that's gonna die out really quickly too as i talk to less and less people... both out of a lack of interest to talk to them and also out of the understanding that they feel the same towards me.


i smited myself down to -2 so the host wouldn't have to


if that's any sign of how i feel about myself here...






fuck my life...



i literally am just like a puppet now. and like... i really don't care.




here is my heart on a plate.

[Sierra Reed]

this part of my confessionals is a personal stamp that i've done since... well for a very long time.

i don't do it a LOT, but i will always add these in when i feel like it suits the emotion i carry into my confessional writing. if you don't like it, just skip this part

hehehehe





pooling

i am gonna scream at you for looking at me
i'm gonna hit you for acting happy
fuck you miss positivity, go fuck yourself
and i'll sit here and laugh cynically because it helps

i'm not crazy for you i'm crazy all by myself

and i wish i could look at you without thinking such sad things
like what the fuck is the point of this if this is all it brings?
what the fuck did we do to get here and how the fuck do we get back?
before every ounce of tension there was an equal amount of slack
and if i could relax then i'd promise you in a heart beat that i would
but i'd probably be lying, honestly i've never been that good
but i should watch my modesty... as annoying as i get
fucking see through every part of me... a wavy silhouette

and i'm as sick as ever, i feel a way i've never felt
i light a scented candle and the wick reminds me of my health

the wax gets soft and liquidy as i begin to melt

i'm not crazy for you i'm crazy all by myself

[Sierra Reed]

i've been thinking about the idol that rob got... like, how he says he got it...


for one, he says he got in during week one... and that he guessed it off of the single clue about an episode of survivor from an odd numbered season.

he said he guessed it in his first try...


i wonder how many tries you get, at guessing it...



okay but then when i guessed it, amanda immediately asked me "who told you?"... as in, it's like impossible to just randomly guess it. first try. that's... literally unbelievable, so much so that the only explanation is someone must have told me.



i'm curious how amanda reacted to him guessing it! LOL! i asked him and he said she was wondering if he cheated


hehehehehe




that's exactly what i am wondering. i don't see you would cheat, short of like guessing the admin account password (it better not be "amanda" LOL)...

LMAO!










i am sooooooooooooo skeptical of rob's very presence. lol. he's like the person i nthe game that i trust the least.


i feel more threatened my others. more immediately threatened, but rob is just like... he represents a snake, to me.

while others probably actively want me out right now... like next tribal council... my attention is more on rob than anything, cause he just bothers me...




i tested him last night with my karma thing... talked abt how it was bugging me that it was that low... talked abt it for a little bit... he never exalted me, jsut talked abt how much he liked me and stuff... lol.

so after a while i said something like "ah well no matter i'll just wait for darrah to show up and exalt my karma back", and then he exalted me once.





but for all his saying "i like you sooooooooo much" and "you're my favorite person i nthe game" and for his talking to me like all day everyday right now about nothing...

you'd think a simple gesture wouldn't be too difficult









just saying.

[Sierra Reed]

soon i'm just gonna put my karma back to the way it was before i got in the spat with you, amanda.


i'm gonna wait to see what darrah does when i mention it.






i mentioned it breifly to monica but i never really said anything abt it bothering me. see, she doesn't go telling me she's my favorite and she loves me and all that shit so i wouldn't expect her to back it up with anything. she doesn't attempt that fuckin retarded deep-emotional-connection act so there's no reason for me to test her on it.


which i appreciate.

lets be honest, known of us know eachother here for real... well, not many of us... there are some people...

*looks at darrah and JT*

[Amanda Kimmel]

I love this format for confessionals! Keeps me interested and is not overwhelming at all.

VERY interesting stuff...
1) Do you think Rob has that idol, and, if he does, did he really get it on the first clue?

2) If you guys lose, do you think you can coax that idol out?

3) How far do you see yourself going with Monica in this game?

[Sierra Reed]

1) Do you think Rob has that idol, and, if he does, did he really get it on the first clue?

i think either him or jimmy johnson have it. but no, i dont really think he got it on the first round. if he did he either cheated (somehow, i have no idea how that would work) or he is the most lucky son of a bitch ever

i dont know why he'd lie and say he got it round one tho... cause that just makes me wonder like why wait till now to tell me?

if i got an idol on round 3 or something, i would not lie and say i got it sooner, and make it look like i've not been trusting my ally for that long...


if that made sense...


2) If you guys lose, do you think you can coax that idol out?

no i dont htink so to be honest. i don't know that monica is correct when she says fabio and steph are with her. or, maybe, she's not even telling the truth, just wants me to think i am safe with her. my priority is getting jimmy johnson out of the game tho, not coaxing out the idol...

by the way, i personally dont think either are that plausible, right now


3) How far do you see yourself going with Monica in this game?


as far as the game takes me. keeping in mind, though, that i don't think i'll last very much longer in the game. but as long as i do, that's how far i'll be going with monica. unless she does something to make it very clear she is against me... i'll be with her






thnx amanda.



i will start putting in some clips and pieces of convos soon... i just didn't wanna read through my old stuff to find interesting bits