R8 - we will now ALWAYS negotiate with terrorists

[Sierra Reed]

yes that's right, you heard what i said. from now on i will ALWAYS negotiate with terrorists. i will ALWAYS give in to tara's demands.



i knew, at the time, that strategically it was a better decision. well i had a feeling it would be, anyway. i was fairly sure.



i mean, lets think abt it...

sure, tara did not trust me, did not like me, was lying to be about being close and about us being allies and about her alliance being willing to work with me for a long time... she was lying to me about how far i would get with her.

BUT... i would've gotten further with her than i will with my piece of shit allies. "allies". fuck that they're not even "allies".

they are people i have talked to who are using me.

and that's it. that's all it's ever been. and i realized that, for the most part. just now... now i KNOW it.



yes, it is true that i would have been the lowest on the totem pole in tara's alliance. but that still would have left me in a better position than being the low man on the totem pole in a group of brett, rob, monica, john, steph, and fabio.




and why do i say that i am the low man on the totem pole? that i am the sacrificial lamb?



well, we all know that JT or austin has that fucking double vote nullifer, and so we know that i am in HUGE danger here.

i wouldnt be surprised if monica and brett actually TELL steph and fabio to vote me with JT, in order to make sure that they stay.


that is the reason i am staying here this time, you know? sure, last time it was genuinely to weaken them... heidi, austin, and JT. but this time, it's not to weaken them, it's not to get them out.


it's VERY clear that the reason i am staying here is to SAVE steph and fabio. monica even said, and brett even said, that they don't feel safe kidnapping me because they are worried that steph or fabio will go.

well, if they kidnap austin and myself, steph and fabio ... hold that thought.



sierrar66 6:19 pm
(6:19:14 PM): how long do u usually get sick for ?
(6:19:16 PM): like over a week?
(6:19:19 PM): under a week?
Rob Mariano 6:20 pm
(6:20:28 PM): not really :-\
sierrar66 6:20 pm
(6:20:58 PM): ... i see
(6:21:05 PM): lol i am gonna take off






there we go i finally did it. it's like yes i know ur not listening or reading whta i type dude. i've always known this cause i can tell him thingsl ike five times then i'll refer to it later and he'll be like "huh?" but i mean... he doesn't even try to make it look like he gives a fuck. meanwhile i'm suffering through hours and hours of his bitching and his threatening to kill himself and to quit the game (literally every singel day still, without exageration, it's pathetic, and i thought i was bad)... so i just finally told him i'm going, c-ya, this is bullshit.




anyway back to what i was saying.


if they kidnap austin... and steph and fabio and myself vote JT, and the thing that brett and monica have said they are worried abt themselves happens, JT uses the same kinda vote nullifier that i have... then it's only steph or fabio that could go home if JT doesn't. that makes it a tie. and trust me tara might suck at challenges when she doesn't care but if it means getting her fucking pathetic revenge she'll do it, she'll do as much as she can. so what they are saying is they want it to be a tie breaker between either fabio or steph and JT. and risk having one of them go.

if stephenie and fabio are here against austin and JT, i would give my nullifier to the person that they'd be voting (fabio because last round he got votes so he's clearly vulnerable)... and i told monica that when she asked.


still it is a risk, yes, but it's a risk either way. whether i stay or get kidnapped, the point is, it's a risk to steph and fabio.



unless i stay here and they just simply vote me, with JT. no risk at all, for any of the alliance members. all the people on Aarde are safe and all the people that matter here are safe. perfect win-win scenario for everyone...



except for me.






honestly, why would fabio and steph not vote with JT so that they don't need to risk going to a tie breaker with him? it'd be STUPID for them not to.














so the point is, after everything that monica has always been saying abt liking me so much and wanting me i nthe end and all that and always gonna make sure i get kidnapped if i am in danger...


by telling me that kidnapping me puts steph and fab in too much danger, while at the same time agreeing that JT likely has the nullifier and therefore i am in danger...

monica is saying that steph and fab are more important.

























so... what i should have been asking myself last tribal council, instead of who deserves to stay... and who do i like more...

lol...


what i should have been asking myself is... is it better to be with a group of people who you've been with since the start and are willing to sacrifice you or is it better to be with someone you just started talking to who is willing to sacrifice you?


clearly, work can be done on the perso nyou jsut started talking to, to get them to feel differently about you.


but if the person who knows you already is willing to lose you, there's probably a lot less that can be done to change that.

















also, monica, you suck for being what JT says and what i've always thought.

and so just for that much alone i'm kinda regretting doing the honorable thing last tribal council.





if there is a next time, i will do what JT tells me to do.




and on that note, i hope steph didn't get a vote changer like she said she might be. because in my mind, the only way to ensure that my fate is in my hands is to vote stephenie this round.

you don't win season one by being stupid enough to vote JT and risk going to a tie breaker challenge.

and that means i have to vote her or fabio and beat them at posting or hope they were being honest and they vote JT and austin has the nullifier and isn't enough of a bitch to just give it away.





i will think about it.




steph and fabio had a better chance with me being kidnapped and her being forced to use a vote changer. fuck you brett, you have one too. if they're so important to you do what i did and use it to make sure they stay. don't put it on my head. and actualyl i dont care i understand brett wanting to do that he has no allegiance to me... but monica's a douche. and my "alliance" sucks balls.





i wish i'd went with JT and voted fabio out so lame monica could go fuck herself while she cries and brett watches. i jsut didn't feel right about keeping heidi in the game, while tara bitches to her players to do a shit load of work.


hypoctrical lying ****.




BLEEEEEEEEEEP!!!

[Sierra Reed]

i should add...


i didn't really try that hard to get monica or brett to kidnap me. i suggested it, asked for, monica said she would if i'd give my vote nullifier to steph... LOL... like, make it clear or what...

i tried pretty hard with rob but that was before i knew for sure that i wasn't gonna push the issue with brett or monica...



so yeah... maybe if i'd tried harder but i HIGHLY doubt it. they want what they want and it's pretty much... that simple.



ttyl, happy thanksgiving.

[Amanda Kimmel]

This is a crazy psychological thriller you're going through. It's like I'm trapped in your mind.


1) Did you block Rob?

2) Are you really considering betraying Fabio and Stephenie?

3) Why do you think you won't win this immunity?

[Sierra Reed]

1) Did you block Rob?

nope i didn't block him, just told him that i was leaving when i wasn't. as much as i've talked about wanting to do this, it's the first time i've actually done it. it was helpful to me too. when i went back and talked to him later on i was chill again and not annoyed or anything.

to be fair he is sick right now so if i were him my mind would be elsewhere too. it's jsut that he is generally like this. but right now, he does have a legitimate excuse.



2) Are you really considering betraying Fabio and Stephenie?

i'd hate it. but right now i feel like it may be the best route? i mean... i wish i knew if JT had a nullifier thing, and if he did, i wish i could know for certain whether steph and fabio are really gonna put their necks on the line to vote him. cause it wouldn't be my neck on the line if they are voting him, it'd be theirs, this round.

but i can't know all that. because this is survivor, and i'm not parvati



3) Why do you think you won't win this immunity?

well i dont know... i dont know. when i told monica that my first word on my list was "dildo" she said hers was too, and it turns out we're using the exact same letters. so she says.

and rob is using fabio's letters. so he says.


so... it should be atleast CLOSE if they are telling the truth.


problem is, i feel like our last part of the strategy, giving steph the last two vowels... may not have been the best idea. but we will see.



i'll tell ya this much... i'm not working on tara's challenge still... instead i am collecting weird words for fab and steph and myself, ones they didn't find. by just putting in entry after antry on dictionary.com and looking at their suggestions for words. as well as scouring the internet for "rarely used words" that have our letters in them.



lol.... so i'm doing my best. my ABSOLUTE best. and this is at the top of my list of priorities.