R9 - *yawns*

[Sierra Reed]

before immunity






bleh




....... i'm worn out

[Sierra Reed]

sierra doesn't even have any motivation anymore. i hit some sort of wall at the end of the night last night... just in general, in all of my ORGs right now, i feel like i'm against a wall. and i just can't go any further.

i have an angle, but i don't have the drive to work at it.



it's been a mind fuck.







hahahaha *sighs*








what else is there to say?


you've all got my number, you can call on it anytime. i will stand up, remain calm, and walk out the door.

[Sierra Reed]

all right i'm back.


so... there isn't much strategizing to do anymore. not on my part... so i don't really know what i'm going to talk about.

basically just gotta vote who it sounds like the most people would be voting. and hope that brett doesn't take me out, or take out steph or fabio. or monica... i guess...

but even hoping for those three is silly, cause they're the season 1 one people... i mean it's stupid to think that i'd get further. lol. if it got down to just us.



so who do i hope for? rob? i wont get to the end with rob, either, because of brett.

jimmy and austin. haha. jimmy wants to take out brett, he says, and says that fabio and steph would vote with him, and austin would too.

but steph and fab won't. atleast fabio. he was yessing him, when jimmy johnsons asked, nothing more.

monica said she'd want brett gone if it were possible. if i could do it, i should go for it, sort of thing.



but let me just point something out real quick.

brett has an entire tribal council worth of votes. he can cast 5, and change someone's thereby casting another.

there are 7 voters at the next tribal council. he has 6 votes, and in changing someone's vote, they don't have 1. so 6 and a minus 1 for whoever he calls an enemy.



and that is just brett.


that is not even getting into everything else that's flying around. i don't want to even go there, because that's just mind boggling. you can't... make any guesses on what's going t ohappen.



well you can, but there's too many what ifs to... really formulate any solid strategy. or atleast to have the desire to try to formulate any. lol.







so yeah, i don't know. there's really nothing for me to say here.




bide my time, try and keep my mouth shut from here on... see if i can survive for a couple more rounds or something... and just try and vote who it sounds like the majority of people are voting.





i hit a wall and i just mentally checked out.

[Sierra Reed]

my real AIM is missimaginary66


i'll be on that probly from now on

[Amanda Kimmel]

Are you doing okay? You seem distraught.

[Sierra Reed]

nah... i'm fine. i don't wanna go into it and do one of those rob things... it's just been too long playing these.


i dont know. i was gonna try and work off what i did so i could maybe get all stars but i dont know...


did u see tonight's episode of survivor?




that like hit so close to home for me.

[Sierra Reed]

i want to make it very clear, despite how depressed i am feeling, i'm not quitting.


i'm even still writing in my confessional. and i'm gonna do the challenges and i am going to vote and all that... i just... am done talkign to people other than fabio and monica and steph if i have to and rob ... just because i guess...

i dont know why the fuck i talk to that guy.


and i'm doing it on my real aim. which encourages non-game talk... for me, personally.





the game talk i had so far tonight was fabio letting me know that jimmy showed brett a convo of me talking to him abt getting brett out (sparked by the idea that jimmy had)... and ummm... he said that he told brett i possibly had an idol, still had those nullifiers or whatever... blah blah blah... brett said it's safer to vote austin or jimmy...

and monica told me to keep my double vote and use it against jimmy or austin to add one more vote just in case.

she took the nullifier tho. that's good. i'd rather her have it. she's not having an emotional breakdown.





everywhere that i am... here, in other games, in real life, even at work i am... losing it... everywhere right now i am just having an emotional breakdown.



seems this happens a lot to me... like every year... i go through this really bad phase...



i know it's getting really bad when i actually start withdrawing from things. at first i just bitch at people and make them feel worse and try and get them to where i am... and then i just withdrawing, and trying to be like... yeah it's good, it's cool, and start actually trying to be happy but failing. that's when ya know it's like... real.




but anyway... jeez... yeah so that's what's wrong.

and when i get like this, i cant be in places where people dont like me. oh my god such bad timing for this challenge. hahahaha...

fate is a bitch.

[Sierra Reed]

so...


i told rob that i gave someone all my stuff, asked that he kindly not run and tell brett... honestly, he may, he may not, it's up to him. if brett learns i dont have anything he may just decide to vote me. lol.

i told rob because it's like... let them all have their way with me.


i told him if i get an idol, i'm giving it to the person who can tell me the most about what's going on, since i'm not talking to everyone like i was so i wont know myself.

this translates into FOR ALL THE TIME WE HAVE TALKED SO FAR ROB YOU ARE YET TO TELL ME ONE THING THAT SOMEONE IS DOING SINCE THE VERY FIRST FUCKING ROUND. so open up your goddamn mouth, i know you talk to everyone, and if you wanna pretend we're in an alliance, share some of it with me you cocksucker.


lol. but i said it much more calmly than that. and the only way for rob to understand anything is for you to say it straight out, often repetitively... he doesn't read between the lines, not even a little bit. so he wont know what i was saying.



he's like talking to a fucking wall i wanna shoot myself when i talk to him. i wish i hadn't put him on my list befor.e.. my REAL list... like near the start of the game i did that.

what the fuck was i thinking?









anyway, yeah... that's it. i still want all stars if i manage to make it thru and ur thinking of considering me so i'm going to stick this out, as much as i can, despite everything that's going on.


i just have to seriously minimize my involvement untill i can... figue myself out again. for awhile, or whatever... so that's what's up with me right now.





as for what i'm doing, i'm gonna vote austin or jimmy and use my double vote and hope fabio can get brett to vote them too... hope he can make sure... and like steph and monica... if they're working o nthat at all, i dont know.


i sure know rob won't, ever, do any work or say anything to help anyone out other than himself. unless you lik explicitly write down what you want him to say and keep it extremely short and simple. then maybe he would. but you gotta be very direct. he'll never just take the initiative and find something out for you or suggest something to someone to help you.


hellz no.








thnx for understanding... and seriously this isn't quitting, it's not even close to quitting. it's nothing like that all. it's just... like i said... distancing.



your game matter so much to me that it's starting to keep me up for a couple hours everynight. i'm finding it really hard to not think abt it when i'm still and quiet and not doing anything, like when i go to bed. my mind just starts thinking abt it.



that in itself is kind of a compliment, to you.


but it's kind of a problem, for me...




LOL






thnx for reading and listening amanda, i appreciate it.